Communicating and Connecting with God
If we are going to be honest everyone’s relationship with God is going to look completely different. This is mine.
Personally, I grew up in a Christian household, I got up at least every Sunday and went to church, I did bible drill, and learned what I could about God. However, as time went on it got harder and harder to consistently go to church; this is because of the challenges that came with my sister’s diagnosis. Getting up every Sunday, even every other Sunday, was a lot harder when it came down to whether or not my sister was having a good morning. Now, I am not going to blame this all on her, there were many times sleeping in was the easiest thing to do that morning. Church became more on the back burner. However, your relationship with God is not all about church. You can have a relationship with God without going every single Sunday. When we could go, we went. After my sister’s passing, I attempted to get more involved by going even more frequently, and getting involved with an ensemble choir. I am going to be blunt with you, looking back now, I was not doing this for God most of the time but for myself. I did it out of distraction, and out of feeling like I was going down the right track. I used to pride myself in the factor of me not going down the dark path most deaths take people. I used to always say that “hey, at least I didn’t go emo…” I am not saying that all “emo” is bad, at the time, that was the only thing I saw as a dark way of coping. Trust me, I did that later.
When college hit, it was very challenging for me to even get out of my shell and find a church group, and I know now it was not my time. I still stayed faithful, and tried my best in being the best light I could be while I was still fighting my deep dark demons. I did become my sorority’s Chaplin second semester of my sophomore year without having a church to go to, because I still had a firm belief in my faith. Then my junior year I was introduced to a church organization on campus, and they did help me find a deeper foundation in my relationship than I had. Personally, I am not going to plug any organizations, just for the fact that not all places of church are not meant for everyone. Everyone has a specific place that God will place in front of them when the time is right, and when it is time for you to move on from them He will let you know.
I am very strong in my beliefs, and I will not force them upon anyone, at the same time, I will not change for anyone else’s beliefs. Whether we believe the same thing or not, I will have the same respect and love for you as Jesus. Now, when it come to me and knowing my connection and communication with God, it may be the same or totally different as you or someone you know. Personally, I enjoy having mental conversations. Sounds weird, I know, but one time I was in the backseat of a car when we drove past one of the many crosses on the side of the highway. Sadly, we all what those crosses mean. I asked in my head to God, “Why did that happen to that person specifically?” Of course, I got a generic feeling answer of, “Well it was their time.” I took that and accepted it and went a little personal, and asked “Well, were they in pain?”, personally I knew I wasn’t going to know or understand what was to be said next but what I heard gave me chills. (I don’t remember every word, just enough to get the point across.) I heard “They felt the normal amount of pain, but when it came down to their time I was with them, and from there they knew they were okay. You may not understand why, but it is not your place to know. You are here to just have faith and be there for those left behind." I personally still don’t fully understand, but I took what I heard, and now I’m here to share it. Another thing I do is write in my journal questions, or a rant when I have no idea what is going on, or where to go next, and then I just write what is said in my head as His response. I haven’t done this method in a while, because the last one hit me very hard. I made an entire rant and questioning page on why everything happened to my sister, I asked why her and not me at one point. I said she was so much more faithful and a better servant for Him, than I am and why he chose her to walk, more like roll, down that path instead of me and why didn’t he heal her after I asked so many times. It was a very long response but this line is forever engrained in me. He responded with “I didn’t put her on the earth to be a miracle of healing, but to be a miracle of faith.” He also said that I am here to help bring more hearts to Him, like He brought me back.
I know this post is getting a little long, but bare with me. My connections now, are more towards things in life that I see as I go on each day that are reminders that He is with me in the day to day. My go to is always nature. Sunsets, sunflowers, butterflies, ladybugs, etc. All of the things that are beauty on this earth are all signs to me that He is with me. Now, butterflies and pink sunsets keep me going in way that say, hey you’re on the right path, keep going. This is because my sister’s favorite two things were butterflies, and the color pink.
Whether you are working on your relationship or just beginning. Be patient. All good things, come to those who wait… I know, a cliché. But seriously, it’s so true. Within time, God talks, and connects in ways you don’t expect. Plus, like all relationships, you have to find the little things that connect you and that other person. Like my nature signs. There are so many ways God talks, and wants to communicate to have a relationship with you. You just have to take the time, to start, and keep it going. Trust me, mine is like a stop light, it goes and then slows down, and sometimes comes to a halt. Not because of God, but because of me. I am not perfect in my relationship, and He knows we aren’t going to be. But, He is always there waiting for you to come back, and keep your journey going.
